Why am I here

This is a Weight Watchers commentary. Well it all started to use 5 6 years ago. We lost weight we were happy moving right along everything was grand then it all kind of stalled out. Why are we still here.? Near as I can tell the only reason we’re still at Weight Watchers is we don’t want to get fatter have we lost weight yes have we gained weight yes. But physically were stronger I can lift more weight we can do more activities but we haven’t lost any weight in the last sleep in like plateaued for 5 years. I think the reason we continue to come if we don’t want to get bigger we started out in the 300 range and now we’re down in the 200 range considerable amount of weight lost anywhere from 80 to 90 pounds each. Still we need to lose more during game to game our goal weight. And we need to lose more to get to her lowest weight we’ve achieved so far. But I think if we had been with Weight Watchers we would be back closer to 300 in the 250 that we are now. So when they say goals aren’t measured at the scale this is true they’re not get measured in pants size they’re not measured in shirt size of sometimes they can be measured in just activity or just in physical well-being. Sure my clothes are smaller than they were and I can do more than I was but I’m also not on any medication anymore so that’s a bonus. Why am I still doing Weight Watchers because I’m afraid if I quit I would get back to where I was and that’s not a healthy place to be it’s tough it’s tough everyday to go years on end with no appreciable gains or losses if I do lose enough weight I get a star okay I’ve already had that star so I get nothing and that’s hard to. So my next car would be 895 pounds I think I’ve got ten fifteen pounds to lose to get there if I get to 100 pounds I get a magnet are leaders been holding onto for many years now cuz I’ve been determined to get that damn magnet 400 pounds lost. So essentially I’m paying Weight Watchers for therapy because I apparently can’t stop eating the things I know I shouldn’t be eating and I go every week I pay every month for the weekly therapy do not go out and do worse yes this is like being you know addicted anything else it sucks its hard to do it’s hard to deal with other people when they are unhappy with their progress. Am I close this so I don’t ramble on vaguely about things but yeah keeping Weight Watchers is probably keeping me from being worse off than I am there are foods I know I can eat all of them and I choose not to because I know I’ll be back up in a weight range that I couldn’t do most of the things I’m doing now even though then I was still out running people all day long are out working anyway not a sell out running them. So that’s my ramble kind of put down in words why I’m at Weight Watchers eventually I’ll get back to this post and correct all the misspellings thank you for your time.

18 years and counting.


So I have been on CPAP for 18 years now.
Found old paperwork, my original Sullivan CPAP machine is still going strong, never a problem there.
but my original mask, which I replaced parts on around 2003, so what, six year later? I hate, have hated it and only had it and it was all I knew.
The Breeze SleepGear CPAP Mask with nasal pillows.
It is pictured at the top of the photo.
This year, 2003, I had to get a new sleep study done since I had no real prescription so I can get my gear updated or at least checked out.

Do you know they have updated equipment?
Dr Sullivan diagnosed and started CPAP studied only a year or two BEFORE I got my machine!?

So in the study I used a ResMed Swift mask, was very nice, I wanted one, and in searching came across the ResMed Airway p10. I LOVED the swift to sleep in, BUT, it has a harsh blast of air that turns down and pretty much blows on your arms. Not fun, and one thing I hated about the Breeze was the jet of air coming from the front, so I consciously slept facing the other way so air is not blowing at my wife. Not a good thing at least to me.
The P10 on th other hand has a gentle waft of air, and does not seem to be noticed by my wife and it SO TOTALLY QUIET!!

I bought one, it is also in the picture as a comparison of the wee tiny thing I now have strapped to my head. So much nicer. Nose can still be irritated, and it may move around a little more but I feel I get better sleep, deeper sleep with it on.

Technology, so much fun.
I do look forward to possibly getting a new machine as well, oh the joy of sleeping with a blower that reduces pressure when you breath out, is so fancy.

Tao Te Ching

“Better to remain unfulfilled, than carry around spilling. Sharpen weapons too much, and their sharpness cannot be long preserved. If you fill your house with gold and jade, you cannot keep it safe. If you boast about your knowledge and flaunt your possessions, you invite resentment and blame. When the work is done and it brings you honor, recede, not clinging to your achevement. This is the Tao of heaven. “

I want to be awesome too

So just returned from vacation out to western Washington and Eastern Oregon.  spent lots of time with friends and family, ate good food, made good food, wandered all over and looked at everything that caught our eye.

Scrolling through Facebook, everyone ion that list is posting their awesomeness in going to Pennsic war, and new things they made, and how awesome the time they had with their friends was and photos to prove it.

Food, was eating and being mindful, with people who were not driven by food but knew how to enjoy good food.  a few meals we ate to much, but that was the places that were totally unique and we do not have access to.  Like a Dim-sum place in Chinatown and a conveyor Sushi joint.  As we had things to do we ate when hungry.

Went to a weight watchers meeting, things I took away were that I am creating a new person, becoming a new me.  How will it turn out?  Is it scary?
So all these concepts get put together to mull over.

Another thing to ponder, as we wander through First People museums and the Chinese immigrant museums.  These people decorated with American flags and symbology, they were fucking proud to be involved, even through they were, do and still get shit on.

Many things were seen done and thought about, all part of becoming that we must undertake each day.

So how come I feel I am less productive, less important, and less awesome than the people posting all over Facebook?